I wanted to repost this blog post that I originally published last fall when I was just beginning homeschooling. I’m going to write a new post shortly giving an update on how this past year really went. Let’s just say that homeschooling is hard!  But for now, below are all of my thoughts when we just began our school year.

Covid. Masks. Changes at School. E-learning. Quarantine. Pandemic.

These are all words that have become commonplace in our household. It’s so interesting. I was talking to my almost 8 year old son and trying to explain to him how all of the things the world is going through right now are incredibly foreign and new to me. It’s been hard for me to learn to accept all of the changes, deal with the fear, try to weed out the truth from the media and make appropriate changes to our lifestyle – and yet I/we have. My son wisely said “this is normal to me – if another pandemic happens in the future, it won’t be so strange – it will be normal.”

I always swore I would never homeschool. I really feel like I should write that I always swore I would never never never homeschool because I felt that strongly about it. However, the past few years we’ve felt more and more compelled to find a private school that thought outside the box. This past spring we thought we found one. Then the pandemic hit.

In March, while still at his A rated wonderful public school (I say this in all seriousness, I loved his school and its faculty), like all students, he had to stay home and do e-learning on the computer. Since my kiddo is still young, I had to do everything with him and basically home school him as he did public school on the computer. The school district did their best to provide quality emergency e-learning but it just didn’t work for us. It was crazy easy, lots of busywork and honestly, most of it was a waste of time. It was then, in the spring, when I realized that I was already hand holding him through all of the lessons. And while I always swore I wouldn’t homeschool, I basically was doing that. I realized I was alive and surviving.

I didn’t think school would return to normal this fall so in the early spring I decided to homeschool my kiddos. My daughter has congenital heart disease so I take this pandemic extremely seriously. I know the stats and that my daughter will probably be fine if she gets covid… but I also know that with her weaker heart and lungs, she could be very very ill. SO, this past spring I stopped looking at private schools for fall. Instead, I looked at homeschool curriculum and tried to find curriculums that matched the likes and needs of both of my children. I spent hours researching curriculum.. maybe 80 hours? (I have OCD. Seriously.) I read comments in Facebook groups, I polled all of my friends and family who homeschool. I was basically an expert in the topic of homeschooling and yet had never done it before.

During my research I found a literature rich History/Bible/Literature curriculum called Sonlight that made me very excited. (They also have a non-faith based literature rich program called Bookshark) Both of my kiddos are advanced readers and we have always loved reading together as a family. With Sonlight I loved the books that they would be reading on their own. I also loved all of the readers that I would be reading to my kids. It’s a literature rich curriculum so a lot of time is spent with me reading – but I’ve done a ton of research (remember? 80 hours.. OCD..) and learned so much about the importance of reading out loud to children. We’ve read to our kiddos since the first day we adopted them but with this curriculum, my reading has really increased. Surprisingly, my children have LOVED learning history (so far we’ve studied Ancient Egypt and Ancient Greece). They have also loved the three books I’ve read them (in addition to a few books of poetry). We have giggled together at the antics of Mrs Piggle Wiggle (awesome book! I’m planning on getting the next book in the series at the library). We’ve sat in suspense reading the first in the series of The Boxcar Children (I have book two on reserve at the library). Just today we finished reading My Father’s Dragon and started Beezus and Ramona by Beverly Cleary. The only book out of these four that I’ve read before is Beezus and Ramona so it has been awesome to be introduced to new books and to watch my children ask me to keep reading everyday. It’s been awesome.

I purchased a Language Arts program through Sonlight and then extra supplemental curriculum like Explode the Code and Wordly Wise. I purchased a fun Science Zoology curriculum from Apologia (I can’t wait for the weather to cool a bit more so we can go to the zoo to see all of the animals we study in person). I purchased Singapore Math for both of my kiddos because it mimics the math learning style they would have at school. I also purchased Beast Academy but have since learned that that curriculum doesn’t work well for my 2nd grader at this point.

Homeschooling has been an adventure. We are officially one month in. I’m not one of the homeschool moms you will meet who will say everything is perfect, everyone should homeschool and that I am doing awesome. In fact, I’ll tell you the opposite of all of those thoughts. It’s been a bit difficult getting into a rhythm. Fortunately, I started slow and each week added more and more things to our plate. The kids have gotten used to the routine. I’ve realized that I can get a lot more schoolwork done one on one with my child than my child would get done in a day in a classroom with 20+ classmates. So it’s fun to know we’ve done all of our schoolwork by lunchtime. (If my children were in higher grades, I fully expect they would have longer days. But for now my Kindergartner and 2nd grader are done by the time they eat lunch.) After breakfast we do the “hardest” school work at Table Time. We do all of our spelling, Language Arts and Math. Then we take our rambunctious puppy out to the park where the kids ride bikes or scooters and we all get sweaty. We come home, they play, I shower and then we do Couch Time where we read Science, History and our Literature books. Couch time is admittedly all of our favorite time.

The biggest challenge for me has been learning to be more go with the flow. I have one child who shuts down when they get frustrated or confused. I’ve had to learn that it’s okay to shut the book and move on to playtime or another subject. (The first time said child’s shutdown occurred I was in tears thinking I was a failure. I quickly learned tears weren’t going to solve any of these issues and I had to just be more go with the flow.) For challenging days we will either revisit the subject later in the day (when daddy’s home ) or we will work on it the next day and get caught up then. I’ve also learned to use white-out in my day planner which is both maddening and freeing. I’m type A so feel like the hours I spend lesson planning should go perfectly according to plan. But it is also freeing to know that it’s okay to readjust our schedule. Some days my daughter flies ahead in her grammar and math books. She does a great job of screwing up my pre-planned week on Mondays. I’ve also learned that some things take more time to work on and that it’s okay if we spread it out and work on it more than one day. Or days like today where we had a Forest School field trip with our local SALT homeschool group, I basically said, “no school today” once we got home. We can get caught up either tonight a bit or tomorrow. No big deal.

I’m not sure if I’ll be a homeschooler for life but I can say so far, it hasn’t been that bad. It’s opened my eyes to the areas of weakness my kiddos have and also to their many strengths. Seeing everything day in and day out with my own eyes is much different than a parent teacher conference. I’m able to really magnify their weaknesses and slow down so that we can tackle them together. It’s hard for me – I’ve never been a teacher – so I find myself googling a lot of tips and tricks on certain areas of academics. But in the end, it’s working well.

I would love to hear what option your family chose for schooling. Are your kiddos back to school? Staying home and doing e-learning? Are you trying homeschooling like me? There truly is no right answer for what families should be doing. Every family’s situation is unique so I would love to hear what you chose and how it is working. I’ll do my best to update you in a month or so and report back with the honest truth on how we are doing.

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Happy Mother’s Day! To all of you who are moms, expecting moms, some day moms, moms to pets, grandmas, great grandmas, etc etc. Happy Mother’s Day. Thank you for all you do! Now that I am a mom, I have an entirely new perspective. Thanks to all who have been with me these past eight years as I’ve journeyed into motherhood and learned how to be a mom. Your thoughts, prayers, and kind words have meant so much. And to my mom, I love you and Happy Mother’s Day! You are the best mom and the best Grandma to my kiddos.

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I originally published this blog post almost exactly two years ago. With Mother’s Day coming up, I know that so many of us have mixed feelings regarding the day – especially if we have experienced loss or infertility. Please know that I am holding you in my thoughts and prayers this week and always. While this week isn’t National Infertility Awareness Week, I think the thoughts I held so true two years ago are still just as true now even though it isn’t a National Awareness week.

In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, I wanted to type my thoughts on Sadness, Joy and Infertility. I originally posted this on my personal Facebook page and Instagram. I received so many PMs that I wanted to write this as a blog post. ~Liza

My sadness doesn’t take away from your joy. I heard this quote on the Today Show when Jenna Bush announced she was pregnant with her 3rd child. Just two hours prior Dylan Dreyer (another newscaster on The Today Show) announced she and her husband were experiencing secondary infertility. When Jenna told Dylan that after learning of her infertility she was hesitant announcing her pregnancy, Dylan so eloquently responded, My sadness doesn’t take away from your joy.

For some reason infertility is a taboo subject. 1 in 8 couples experience infertility. That means most of you know someone who is either openly or quietly struggling with infertility. We’ve been blessed to have so many wonderful people around us who are thoughtful. Everyone (except one or two couples) that we’ve known who struggled with infertility now have biological children of their own. We are one of the last openly infertile couples standing. I’ve had friends call me crying to tell me they are pregnant because while they were so happy, they felt so bad for us. I’ve had friends send thoughtful and well worded texts and messages. For the most part, we have been surrounded with sensitivity and empathy. Through it all, I have truly felt “my sadness doesn’t take away from your joy.”

One of the interesting things is that some people assume that because I can’t have kiddos, I am upset when they are pregnant. That’s never been the case. Because this topic is so taboo, people make assumptions. The initial moment of learning their pregnancy news may be bittersweet but I have always been excited when our friends have kiddos. I have also been truly thankful to our close friends who have shown incredible sensitivity towards us when sharing their great news as they gave us a minute to pause, regroup and then celebrate.

I’ve had some people pointedly tell us that we’ve adopted two wonderful kiddos and thus, our infertility and past pains should be a nonissue. I tend to shut down when I hear that for two reasons 1) adoption should not be the remedy to the sadness of infertility. That’s a heavy burden to put on children who have experienced greater trauma and greater loss than I ever have. My kids are blessings and I am so incredibly thankful for them. But they do not soothe the sadness nor should they. I am thankful for my kids. They have allowed me the opportunity to be a mother. I don’t take that for granted. But they are not a cure. 2) People who diminish our loss by pointing out how blessed we (and thus we should be “fine” that we are infertile) are doing this because they simply can not handle our pain. And that’s fine- that shows us how close they truly are to us.

1 in 8 experience the bittersweetness of experiencing personal disappointment while also rejoicing in the good news and excitement of friends.

1 in 8 go to bed deeply hurt by insensitive comments from well meaning but greatly misinformed people. Let’s be honest, sometimes people are not well meaning and instead are just self absorbed. But even then, their joy does not and should not take away from our sadness.

1 in 8 keep the faith that someday they will have a family of their own.

1 in 8 spend tens of thousands of dollars on testing, treatment and specialists that are not covered by insurance.

1 in 8 suffer the horrible side effects of hormones and fertility meds while working with specialists. They are poked and prodded countless times a month as their doctors prepare their bodies for another attempt at pregnancy.

1 in 8 experience the high of a pregnancy only to then experience the low of a miscarriage.

1 in 8 open their eyes to their disappointing normal. Once they come to grips with their normal, they explore other options such as fostering, adoption, remaining childless, having fur babies.

1 in 8 live this day in and day out. Some of us are deep in the trenches of shock and grief. Some of us have accepted our situations and are learning and taking advantage of our options. Some of us have moved on and stopped trying for a pregnancy. All of us have felt loss and while our lives will move on, that loss will be there.

1 in 8 mean what they say on April 1st when they ask you to not post April Fools jokes about being pregnant. We’ve learned pregnancy is sacred and it hurts when we watch others diminish its sacredness.

During National Infertility Awareness Week, maybe take a minute out of your day to be thankful for your fertility. Also take a minute to be more aware and more sensitive of the couples around you who are in the trenches of infertility. There is always hope and sometimes, the 1 in 8 need to be reminded of that.

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**Right now we can save $30 on the All-new Kindle with built in front-light! It’s normally priced at $89.99 but right now is $59.99. Head HERE. *prices subject to change.

I love to read. I don’t read as often as I would like and it takes me forever to finish a book, but I love to read. I also feel it’s important to state that I prefer reading actual books that I can hold, smell and feel. However, at this stage of my life, I’ve learned that reading on my Kindle reader is as lot more convenient. A few years ago I discovered Overdrive. Since then, I’ve thought that everyone knows about Overdrive but I find that I’m frequently sharing how awesome it is with friends and family who have never heard of it! Overdrive is an online library that is connected with your library card. If you have a library card and a tablet to read on (I have a Kindle), you can use Overdrive for free and read hundreds of thousands of books for free! The books available to read and audiobooks available on Overdrive are the latest books that are released, top sellers as well as countless of older popular books. To get started and connect your library card to Overdrive, head HERE and follow the steps listed.

Once you have created an Overdrive account and connect it to your Kindle, Nook, apple device, etc, you will want to start borrowing books. Each book you can borrow for 2 weeks. After the 2 weeks, if there is not a wait list waiting for your book, you will have the option to extend your borrow period for another 2 weeks. Keep reading below though because I’ve found a workaround for people like me who need more than 2 weeks to finish a book!

I use a Kindle Reader much like this one. My Kindle is a few years old so I don’t have the backlight (I wish it did) but it works perfectly for Overdrive and I use it all the time. It also holds its battery life for very long so I don’t have to constantly charge it. I think I currently have 30 books downloaded on it and I could probably download another 100+ books on it. The memory is awesome.

If there is a book that you want to read that already has a wait list, you can put it “On Hold”. Overdrive will keep you updated as to how long you should have to wait to be able to borrow the book. You are able to Hold (reserve) 7 ebooks/audiobooks at a time. You are able to borrow 10 eBooks/audiobooks at a time. If you are looking for book ideas, below are some books I’ve read during the past year. Some of the books are heavy while others are lighter.

All You Can Ever Know: A Memoir by Nicole Chung
Something in the Water by Catherine Steadman
The Other Woman by Sandie Jones
Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingale
An American Marriage by Tayari Jones
Into the Water by Paula Hawkins
The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens
Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman
Behold the Dreamers by Imbolo Mbue
The Way Life Should Be by Christina Baker Kline
Orphan Train by Christina Baker Kline
We Were Liars by e. Lockhart
Into the Water by Paula Hawkins
Then She Was Gone by Lisa Jewell

Here’s how I recommend you use your tablet. If you have a tablet that you use only for reading eBooks like me, borrow 10 books on your Overdrive account. Once you have downloaded the 10 books (if you have a Kindle, you will download them through your Amazon account – it’s entirely free but you will need Amazon to get the book onto your Kindle), put your tablet on airplane mode. This will make it so that your tablet does not check for updates EVER until you take your tablet off airplane mode. This will also allow you to TAKE AS LONG AS YOU NEED to read your books. If your tablet is on regular mode, after two weeks, the book will disappear so you have to be very diligent to make sure you finish it in time (especially if there is a wait list on the book since you won’t be able to renew it). What I love is that there are no late fees. Once your two weeks are over, the book just disappears. **unless you keep your tablet on airplane mode!

So, I like to borrow 10 books, download them on my Kindle, put my tablet on airplane mode and then read all of the books before downloading more. Meanwhile, I will use my Overdrive account to put popular books on Hold. The most popular books on Overdrive have wait lists of 6+ months. So I will make sure that my account has all of my holds filled while I’m reading the previously downloaded books that I have on my tablet. If I find that I need more time to read my books before borrowing the books on hold, I can extend the hold up to 180 days. I find that by the time I’m ready to download more books, all of my holds are available and I can download all of them within a couple weeks. I then start the process again. I download all of the new books, put more books on hold and start reading new books.

If you are looking for a way to read popular books for free, you need to get a library card and begin using Overdrive. It’s user friendly and an awesome way to read as many books as you want throughout the year without worrying about purchasing the book OR having to deal with late fees if you take longer than 2 weeks to read!

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Find fun free activities we’ve posted in our Corona Stay at Home Activities Facebook group that are fun and that your child will enjoy.

These are crazy times. In just a little over a week’s times the world has turned upside down. Grocery stores are empty, schools are closed, churches are online now, many of us are working from home now instead of the office, some of us are getting laid off, we are washing our hands even more diligently than before, some of us have spouses that are self quarantining after being out of the country (ahem, that’s me).. I could go on and on. Having my VPK aged daughter and first grade son home has been both wonderful and overwhelming. This week was supposed to be spring break so even without Coronavirus my kids would have been home this week. The difference is now I know my kids will be home not just this week but at least a few weeks longer and I predict that they will end up being home the rest of the school year. It’s overwhelming for me to think about the future and how to keep them on track academically while also letting them be kids and really have fun during this time. I’m wondering if it’s overwhelming to you too.

Giving ourselves grace is so huge right now. As parents (especially us moms who multitask things in our brains) we already have so many things running through our brains. I’m having a hard enough time not stressing, not predicting the future, not burying my head and not overthinking things.

It’s hard to figure out how to get my kids (especially my 1st grader) back on track academically so I’ve stopped thinking about it for a while reminding myself that even if Corona wasn’t here, this would be a vacation week and I don’t worry about schooling during vacations.

If you are like me and trying to figure out how to start teaching your child, I’ve followed homeschooling groups for years and one popular word that they use a lot of times is “unschooling”. Many families unschool their kids for weeks, months, etc before starting a home school curriculum. The unschool time is a time that lets their child be a child, play and get out of their regular public/private school routine of being in the classroom all day. Instead of putting so much pressure on yourselves to keep your child academically where you think they should be, perhaps look at this time as a period of unschooling. Once you get used to our “new normal”, you can start thinking about how you are going to homeschool your child or use your child’s online schooling through your school district (if your school has that as an option).

We just need to take a breath to be able to destress. If we aren’t centered there is no way our kids will be centered. Besides, they already do WAY too much schoolwork while in school. Now they can actually be kids and learn through play and activities which will help them destress. So give yourselves lots of grace. Find some fun free activities we’ve posted in our Corona Stay at Home Activities Facebook group that are fun and that your child will enjoy. Don’t worry about your child learning or forgetting things from school. They learn every day doing simple things like playing. When it’s time to start worrying about academics, you will know. It will be when your brain is destressed and when your child is emotionally ready. Hang in there moms. Take a breath.

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This past decade has been in some ways the hardest decade of my life (and I’ve had some doozies – ahem 2000 stunk). I knew I was mentally strong going into 2010 from my marathoning but nothing prepared me for the challenges of starting a family. Life wasn’t fair to us. Fertility treatments were unfairly expensive and unsuccessful. My body was in constant pain and I spent years unknowingly severely anemic. We lost a baby in Ethiopia to an upper respiratory infection, we lost a baby locally when the birth mom changed her mind last minute (after getting our $) and we made so many changes to what countries we were adopting from, it would have been hard for anyone to keep track. Through the trials, there was hope and light. We made two trips to Ethiopia and met our son. The second trip I made by myself with a one way airline ticket intent on staying in Ethiopia with Asher until we had all of the necessary paperwork to come home. I just needed him out of that orphanage. I don’t think I would have the strength to do that trip again. But at the time, God took care of me and my boy. Once bringing our boy home, we were met with a baby who grieved and cried 50 minutes out of every hour. It was hard. But look now. I have a smiling, outgoing, friendly and loving boy. We then started the China special needs adoption process. We headed to China for 3 weeks and met our heart baby Jolie. We learned quickly she’s tough as nails, adorable and has an amazing devotion to Jeff. Our first year with her she was by my side 24 hours a day. It was trying. But now she’s thriving, loves her brother, loves to giggle and is a hard worker.

Marriage has been hard. It’s always hard though. Working with our kiddos has brought a team mentality as we’ve tackled connected parenting, special needs, doctor appointments and my freak out anxieties together. Jeff gets frustrated that I go to bed so early every night. But maybe once my iron levels improve even more I will have more energy once the kids finally pass out!?! Let’s be honest though, I love sleep ?

My career went from flourishing to slowly chugging around. It’s hard to work as one should when you have little kids at home and are unknowingly anemic. Ive also struggled with watching fellow bloggers grow while I feel stuck. I used to be the blogger others came to for advice. Now I’m humbled. I’m praying for guidance on how to resurrect my career in the next decade.

My health is improving. I had a disappointing and emotionally challenging surgery and I can’t say I’ve grieved it yet. But it is helping my health improve and for that I’m grateful. Jolie’s has had two heart surgeries since we’ve brought her home. She’s flourishing and you can’t tell she has severe heart disease. I’m praying by the time her pulmonary valve needs to be replaced that they can do it via catheter instead of open heart. Either way she’s a tough cookie and I know she will fight like the fighter she is.

We moved to our house five years ago. While it needs some expensive work done – which we can’t afford right now (new roof, new screen on birdcage, resurfacing of pool, and a house painting besides minor cosmetic jobs) it’s been a wonderful place to live and we are blessed. The pool has proved to be an amazing way for my kids to burn energy. And during rare quiet moments I love to destress and read sitting by it.

We lost our sweet cat Rosie who was 17. We also lost my best dog friend Pacey one week after we brought Asher home. Pacey waited for me to get home before passing. We added to our family our dog Louie 8 years ago. My love for animals hasn’t declined and I’m excited to start fostering puppies this upcoming year.

My hubby’s non-profit organization is thriving and while I think he works too much, I’m impressed with his hard work and the amazing results to his efforts.

This past decade has been hard, disappointing and challenging. It has also rewarded me greater than I could have imagined. My motto for this next decade is Choose Hope. That might be my next tattoo ?

Cheers to everyone in the New Year and I pray that this upcoming decade is your best decade yet.

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Photo Cred Denis Phillips Facebook Page

Update – Seeing how a lot of people are starting to worry about Hurricane Dorian, I thought it would be timely to repost my thoughts after we encountered the fear and threat of Irma. Please stay safe this week and the following few days. Stock up on essentials now (water, bread, propane gas) and fill your cars with gas. If you need to evacuate, please do. Be safe everyone!

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Thoughts on the past 7 days with Irma:

1) I’ve never been so concerned about the safety of my family as this past week.

2) The roller coaster of watching Irma come our way, and then be in the clear of her, to then see her coming our way as a category 5 is something I don’t want to experience again for years and years.

Tip: Always keep batteries on-hand. Especially size D. Most flashlights need that size and right before a hurricane, stores will run out of D first.

Bottled water will become a hot commodity when a hurricane is enroute. It wouldn’t hurt to keep a couple 24 packs stocked away during hurricane season because stores will run out when major hurricanes are enroute.

4) Sleeping in our safe room with the kiddos- although stressful and hard on the back – was lots of fun. I want more nonstressful adventures with my kids.

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14 years. For me, when I look back on most of the memories of my life, they are cloudy. My memory isn’t the best and when it comes to remembering events like losing loved ones and experiencing sorrow, my memory is very foggy.

But when it comes to September 11th, my memories are crystal clear. A part of me wishes I didn’t remember everything so vividly, but the other part knows that it is imperative that I never forget the tremendous loss our country experienced on 9-11 as well as the amazing unity our country experienced in the days to follow. On the morning of September 11th, 2001, I was sitting at my desk at work in a suburb of Chicago. I was in the midst of setting up benefits for new hires. (I was in human resources.) I remember learning of the first plane and trying to go online to learn more about what was happening. It was still the age of dial-up internet and most websites were down or going very slowly from heavy traffic. I remember calling my husband and my mom to get clarity on the situation. Everyone in my department ended up going into a conference room to watch the breaking news on a small TV with rabbit ears. We were sent home early since most Chicago companies closed early due to the fear of Chicago area attacks. Once I was home, I sat numb in front of the TV learning the gravity of what occurred.

With time, the country has moved on and experienced both great things and also more loss. But even with time passing, thinking back to the days of September 2001 gives most of us pause.

Every year I post about September 11 and every year many of you share your memories. Some of you have even shared about the loved ones you lost during the 9/11 attacks. To those of you who lost loved ones on 9/11, know that you are in our thoughts and our prayers. We will never forget. God bless.

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I posted this picture and my thoughts on my Instagram page last night. I wanted to share them here as well in case some of you can relate. If you struggle with taking the time to take care of yourself, you are not alone! Follow me on Instagram HERE.

I pulled out these trusty friends today and went for my first walk/run in 10 months. I’ve learned a lot the past year. About parenting full time and working full time and the importance in trying to take care of yourself. Somehow I overlooked that last part. Today starts a new time for me. It is never too late to change. I probably won’t run a 1:41 half marathon anytime soon, but right now my goals are health, happiness and having fun. Whatever my pace is, it is better to be out there working hard than sitting on my booty! So if you are on the fence about making a change, jump in! Change isn’t pleasant and it is often uncomfortable. But in the end, think about how proud you will be of your accomplishments!

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Life is messy isn’t it? I’m sitting here working and posting deals while hubby has our two year old outside and running around. They went to IHOP this morning to get their free pancakes (make sure you donate to Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals AND tip your waiter/waitress). And now they are home. Our son has a full belly and is hyped up from the chocolate chip pancakes. So they are outside running around.

I’m here typing away and looking at our messy house. Toys are everywhere. The sink has unwashed dishes – even though I cleaned all of the dishes before going to bed last night. The dirty dishes are endless. The washer machine has clean clothes in it but they need to be put in the drier. The bathrooms all need a deep clean. And yet I can’t do any of that right now since I need to work. It’s so funny. As a mom, I always deal with guilt. I feel guilty for having to work. I feel guilty for playing with my son when I know I need to work. I feel guilty for having a dirty house. I feel guilty for cleaning the house when I could be reading or investing more time into my son. I feel guilty for being so tired and for not investing time into myself or my devotions. And yet I just carry on. There really isn’t an answer to my guilt. Life is messy. Life isn’t perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect house or a perfect job or a perfect spouse or a perfect self. I’m so imperfect it isn’t even funny. So as I type all of this and look at the toys all over my house, I’m okay with it. My son had FUN playing with the toys. And now he is having FUN playing outside with daddy. And when he comes in, he’ll play with the toys and have more FUN and make more of a mess. And then, before naptime, I’ll make him clean up and while I’ll try to make the process fun, and while I’ll try to sing the Clean Up Song in tune, there is a good chance he will fight clean up and maybe have to go into time out. (Why do kids hate clean up so much?) All this to say, if you are looking around at your life right now and thinking that it is messy, know that you are not alone. I promise. I’m right there with you. And I would venture to say that hundreds of thousands of other people are right there with us. Don’t be afraid of a mess.  Live with it and try to find some beauty in it. Watching my son play with his toys and learn new skills with his toys and pretend with his toys is beautiful. And it makes me forget that there are toys everywhere. That is beauty. <3

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picture courtesy of HeartHomestyle.com

I wonder how many of you struggle with the darkness. I don’t mean the actual darkness of nighttime, although perhaps when night falls, your soul saddens. I mean, every day as you take each step, your mind tugs and pulls you towards feelings of darkness and sadness and hopelessness and maybe even self hatred.

About two months ago, I made an intentional decision to use Facebook less. Obviously, I use it countless times a day for this blog… but I use it less for personal stuff. Facebook is such a magnificent place for reuniting with old friends and following their lives. But when it comes down to it, what do we really see on Facebook? We see all of the good stuff. We don’t see the messy stuff. We don’t hear about people’s marriages who are hanging on by a thread, parents who are mourning the poor decisions their children are making, families who are swimming in debt, wanna be mommas who cry each month when their pregnancy tests turn up negative, wives (or husbands) who suspect their spouse is cheating on them, and the list goes on and on. Life is messy. Life is hard. And for some of us, it is difficult to get through the darkness of it.

For me, it got to the point where I had a difficult time seeing through the facade of happy Facebook photos. All I would see is picture perfect families on vacation, Pinterest worthy pictures of excited families announcing pregnancies, prestigious job updates and basically, the good stuff. Even I would (and still do) post fun pictures of my two year old showing just how adorable he is and witty he is and fun he is. But behind the pictures are so much more. Life isn’t always easy. He’s 2 years old. So that should say enough. But along with that we have other challenges (hello – working 10 hour days from home AND parenting a two year old at the same time). I don’t post about the challenges. Maybe people don’t want to hear? Maybe they will be scared off? Maybe they will judge me? So I have slowed down my time on Facebook. It hasn’t solved life’s problems, but it has given me a breath of fresh air.

Depression is such a nasty disease. It has taken the lives of so many outwardly successful and happy people. And millions of people right now are struggling with it at varying levels. If you are, you know that sometimes, getting out of bed is the first step towards having a good day. (Why is it that staying in bed all day just seems so comforting?) And as a side note – you can’t “pray depression away”. Prayer helps and prayer is sometimes all that is needed for some people. But for many people, their chemicals and hormones are so imbalanced that they need medication to level themselves out. If you are someone who has never experienced depression, take a moment now and thank God that you are so lucky. Do not judge people that are in the throws of darkness. Do not condemn them for seeing a counselor or taking medication. Instead, be a support system for them. Listen to them. Drag them out of their house to go for a walk. Be there for them. They don’t feel like anyone understands or is there for them – so take the time to convince them otherwise.

I’ve put together a list of some of the things that help pull myself out of the darkness. I don’t always follow the list. In fact, when I am struggling the most, I may just be happy that I’ve gotten out of bed and kept my two year old alive, fed and laughing. Other days, I do a lot more on  my list. It just depends on the day. If you find that you too struggle with darkness, I would love to hear your thoughts and also any additional activities that help you. Leave a comment. My list below is not all encompassing. There are countless other things that help people – so please share your ideas.

1) Go outside and get some fresh air. I know sounds simple. But sometimes, we don’t want to leave the comforts of our safe haven. Get some fresh air, look at the sky, appreciate God’s beauty in nature and walk.

2) Get exercise. This is the hardest item for me to follow. I am a runner. A long-distance runner. In the past, running has been exactly what I needed to clear my mind and relieve stress. But this past year has done a number on my energy levels and motivation to exercise. Do it though. Get outside and move. Move long enough to break a sweat. The endorphins will lift some of the darkness. I promise.

3) Laugh. Sometimes it is so difficult to muster up the energy to laugh. But do it. Put on an old episode of Family Ties or The Wonder Years (I love that show). Or put on a corny movie. Give yourself the permission to laugh.

4) Talk to friends and loved ones. They can’t help you unless they know what is going on. I know you are afraid of being judged. Maybe you are afraid they will say you are not a good enough Christian. Or that you shouldn’t be on meds. Or that it is all in your head. But you may be surprised at how they respond! I had a conversation with a friend and we were talking about the negative stigma many Christians have on depressions and medications and the fact that life is messy. If you are worried about what others think, I want to take the time to tell you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Listen to me when I say that. Don’t get sucked in to the pretty facade that people show on Facebook. Behind their Pinterest worthy pictures are real problems and messy lives. They are just choosing not to show the truth. And frankly, I don’t show my messy life on Facebook either.

5) Eat healthy. I know. The bag of Doritos is so tasty. (yes, the whole bag.) Or the brownie batter is so good – especially before you add the raw egg. Or the bucket of fried chicken is so so good. When you feel yourself being pulled towards the junk, find an alternative. Eat an apple, keep fresh grapes on your counter, make a scrambled egg, drink some water. Try to find an alternative to the temptation of binging on sweet or salty (or if you are like me, sweet AND salty ) foods.

6) Get help. Talk to your doctors. Get blood work to see if your hormone levels are off. If you have thought about seeing a doctor to talk about the darkness, you need to call right now and make an appointment. Don’t wait any longer – you can feel happier and healthier. Sometimes, you just need to start by talking to a professional. If you are experiencing thoughts of ending your life, please get on the phone and contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

7) Find the good in the bad. Martin Luther King Jr said “Only in the darkness can you see the stars.” This is a time when you should reflect on your life. Learn from the past – if it has caused you pain – release the pain – FORGIVE – and take steps to create a different future. See the good in the bad. Nighttime can seem so dark and so lonely. But during the night, we can see the stars or as my two year old says “I see moon. Ni-night moon.”

8) Pray for insight, clarity and peace. Sometimes all I need to tell myself is that I am a child of God. And immediately some of the self doubt and self hatred dissipates.

And be honest with yourself and with others. I wanted to take a moment to share this with you, because I don’t want you to think my life is picture perfect. Yes, I save a lot of money each week. Yes, I have an adorable son who I love more than life itself. Yes, I have a dog who is adorable and never takes a bad picture. But my life is so much deeper and messier than my saving money tips and my busy toddler and my dog. Did you know my dog poops on the floor? Yup. See? I don’t show you that side of my life much

Embrace the messiness, OWN it and seek help if needed.

Please share your tips for finding a light at the end of the tunnel.

The post Only in the Darkness Can You See the Stars appeared first on AddictedToSaving.com.

Since I was in bed by 10:00 last night, I missed all the festivities and ball-dropping and everything else. It’s okay. 2012 was a difficult year for us in many ways (if you’d like to read our adoption blog, I just updated it yesterday HERE).

But in countless other ways we’ve been blessed beyond measure. One of the blessings has been another great year blogging deals for Addicted to Saving. I having come to consider you all my “online family,” and am thankful that you tune in from time to time to see what’s going on here.

I’m sure 2013 will pose its own unique challenges. We will have more changes in the couponing world (like we did in 2012 with Walgreens’ “Balance Rewards” and other savings tools like “Ibotta”). And personally we will have changes too. One thing I know – life is what you make of it. I read somewhere that 90% of life is out of your control, but it’s the 10% you can control that makes all the difference.

A number of years ago hubby and I adopted a phrase that we pull out from time to time when life gets rough – “Choose joy.”  It’s a reminder to us that while we can’t control most of life, we can control our personal responses to difficult circumstances.

So instead of dwelling on the past on and on those things which others to do us, let’s make 2013 a year where we make the conscious decision to take responsibility for our reactions to others.  Life is a choice. In 2013, let’s all Choose Joy.

Happy New Year to you all, and I wish you all the best in 2013!

The post Happy New Year in 2013 – “Choose Joy” appeared first on AddictedToSaving.com.

If you have been following Addicted to Saving this past year, you know that my husband and I are passionate about helping orphans. We are adopting a baby from Ethiopia and a baby from Haiti. We have a huge update we posted on our adoption blog Addicted to Adoption on how our world is going to be rocked in just a few months. Feel free to get caught up on our crazy lives HERE.

The post Adoption Update appeared first on AddictedToSaving.com.

(the photo above is taken of a picture we have hanging on our living room wall)

I have really skimped on my Thursday’s Thoughts posts.  Last fall I wrote a few and found it refreshing to not talk coupon shop in them.  But, like many ventures I undertake, my weekly series got lost in a sea of deals related posts that I found to be somewhat “more pressing”.  At least for today, I wanted to go back to Thursday’s Thoughts because I have some non-couponing thoughts and news that I actually wanted to share with all of you. 

The past year has been a whirlwind.  My husband and I were able to leave the world of blogging for a few weeks last spring as my friend Kelly diligently watched over Addicted to Saving.  Upon our return, my best dog friend in the world was diagnosed with anal cancer and had surgery to remove said cancer.  We spent 10 nights lying on the floor and couch watching over him.  He has since recovered from the surgery although the cancer was not fully removed.  Over the summer we went to Colorado for a family reunion on my in-laws’ side. We had a great time but realized that our bodies are not equipped for the altitude of Breckenridge as we both were sick every day there. This past fall was spent giving Addicted to Saving classes, lots of television appearances and brainstorming for future ventures. Of course the holidays flew by as we (yes – hubby helped a ton) spent way too many hours posting holiday gift ideas and then spending time with family near and far. And, our family grew as my husband surprised me with an adorable puppy the week before Christmas.  Hubby is already trying to prepare me for the inevitable loss of my best dog friend. The past year was also spent with my running (as always). I was training to run the Disney marathon again when I tore my quad and groin. So, my running and marathon plans went down the drain and a week and I celebrated with a week and half long pity party.  But I’m healing and able to run again albeit slowly so I am focusing on that.  But through it all, this past year was awesome. God has taken care of my family, blessed us with constant reminders of His presence and reminders that He is in control.

There is one major component of last year that I haven’t shared…

My husband and I made a decision that I am finally ready to tell all of you.  The past 6 months my husband and I have been distracted from life, work and all responsibilities as we have been working on a dossier to adopt a baby boy from Ethiopia.  We have been swimming in an endless sea of paperwork, required reading, home studies and legal documents.  Just this past week we officially completed our dossier which will be overnighted to Ethiopia Friday.  The wait time for a baby boy is 10-16 months (although that is subject to change) and as of this Monday, we are now officially “in-line” and waiting for our baby.  To make our lives even busier, we also decided to adopt a baby girl from Haiti.  We have completed our home study for Haiti and are basically gathering documents and swimming in a sea of Haiti’s adoption paperwork as I type this post.  We are not and will not be in-line for Haiti until we have that dossier completed.

It has been an interesting ride thus far.  We have shared our adoption plans with family, close friends and our church.  The reaction thus far has been almost all positive although I am already sensing that racism is alive and well.  Adopting is a personal decision and adopting internationally is an even more personal decision.  God led both my husband and myself down this path separately.  So separately that when we both talked to each other about adopting internationally, our hearts were already open and interested in pursing adoption.  So we jumped headfirst without much deliberation.  We have talked about and are open to foster care and also domestic adoption but for now, we are pursing these two babies and are focusing on our immediate goals which are to bring them home.

We will be starting an adoption blog shortly (I will let you know once it is live) and you can follow our blog to track our progress bringing both of our babies home.  We will also begin fundraising for our adoptions soon (if you have held any adoption fundraisers, I would love to hear what you did).  And, if our Ethiopian adoption goes smoothly and the wait time does not increase, we will probably be in Ethiopia a little over a year from now.  Wow.  And, if you all haven’t figured this out already, I am now saving every penny to put towards our adoptions.  And, I’m focusing on even more baby related deals since I’m already starting to figure out how to get good deals on baby furniture, diapers, wipes, toys, etc.   If you pray, we would appreciate prayers as we tackle adoption paperwork for Haiti, as we begin fundraising, and that the Ethiopian and Haitian governments will continue to allow international adoptions to occur.

And, if you have adopted domestically or internationally, I would love to hear your thoughts, experiences, tips, etc.

And with that, my Thursday’s Thoughts are officially over and I’m going to go back to blogging about coupons, deals and more.  Thanks for taking the time to read this and please know that I value all of your friendships and support.

The post Thursday’s Thoughts – Ethiopia and Haiti appeared first on AddictedToSaving.com.